Most people can agree that friends come and go. If you don’t agree it’s probably because you’re in denial honey! Starting from the earliest memory you can back track to your first friend. For some it was their sibling. The one they played with, laughed with, and tried to drown during bath time. It also could’ve been a neighbor or classmate. And at one point there came a separation. Whether it was a physical or a mental detachment, you may have separated from that person. Soon after, I am sure, came a new friend. As adolescence’s you could have way more than one friend; each friendship unique and special in it’s own way. As you grew in different stages of your life you probably created many friendships from different places. Adulthood usually brought on a “friendship drought”. With busy lives and life-changing events it becomes a little harder to stay connect to everyone. As such things occur, new friends are made within the borders of your new lifestyle and old friends (the strong ones) stay near. Within a friendship you may have wondered, “Could this REALLY last forever?” Is it a myth? Are there such people that will enter your life and never leave until the very end? I have asked myself that many times and I think I just about have it figured out.
It all started in 1988. It was a hot New Jersey day and a chubby (If not the chubbiest) baby girl was born to two talented emotionally-guarded Mexicans. Both their personalities bundled in a 9lb beauty of a baby! My parents were both loud laughers and big dreamers. They could light up a room. They were great joke tellers and made friends easily. They made the brave decision to come to America with intentions for greatness. Both fearless and broke, my parents were rather extraordinary. They performed publicly together. My dad loved to dance and my mother loved to sing. Their first child, my big sister Paulina, performed with them. By the time I came along, the show was dying out. Soon after me came my little sister, Stephanie and there was no stage left to perform on. The act was over. There was nothing amusing or funny about 4 females left behind with no where to go. My father left us. The only thing I’d ever have left of my father would be his whit, his charisma, his ambition, and his bad traits that ran hyper in my blood. So there I was, a 3 year old little girl with no daddy to impress. I would then spend the rest of my life trying to impress others. I would try to make as many friends as possible, please them, compromise myself many times, and seek someone who will actually stay forever.
During my life I’ve come across some unforgettable people and then there’s some I try hard to forget. I’ve had everything from good friends, to backstabbing friends, to argumentative friends, to those who plain out used me. To be completely fair I have been those things to others, I’m sure. And that is how it goes. Being that I still live in the town I grew up in I still know people that I meet in Elementary school. This year I hit my 10 year High School anniversary. And it feels like just yesterday that we were graduating! (There’s that denial I mentioned) I still meet up and talk with friends from my past. With some friendships that are almost 20 years long! I wouldn’t give social media the credit, because it takes a sincere interest to stay connected to someone. This last New Year’s I posted a picture thanking all my long time friends for being there throughout the years. It’s amazing the friendships that developed from the strangest places or over years of knowing each other. At age 27 I feel blessed to be surrounded by a good group of people. And so I think ladies and gentlemen I have proved my point! Friendships can last FOREVER and people can stick around and love you! And so I have found what I have been looking for all these years! MYTH BUSTED!
Wait a finger-licking minute! Is this blog post getting a little too Hallmark Channel for you? It’s because that is completely untrue. The reality is that every single one of my friendships have had a separation at one point. Whether it was because I went to another school/job, I made new friends, I had a different lifestyle then them, we argued, or life became too busy to squeeze them in. The truth is that it all depends on how you use the term, “forever”. I have no doubt that some of the people in my life will see me in my older years, but there will be times they won’t be there. It is irrational and unhealthy to expect a person’s friendship to always be there. And oh boy do we desire it! Even the toughest of people who claim to be a lone wolf need friendship and companionship. As we move through these transitions in life we clearly see certain people whom have faded away. Likewise, we see the oddest ones, or the ones we least expected, entering. Optimistically speaking, we can say that some of those friends will return back into our life again. Perhaps at a better time. I heard this saying once, BFFN. It stands for Best Friend For Now. I thought it to be hilarious yet cruel. The truth stings a little, ay? There has to come a moment when you realize and finally accept that there will be times your friends won’t pick up the phone or text back. Huge things or even minor things are very likely to occur that will distance you both from each other. Yes, you will also fail others. You may be unconsciously doing it right now or slowly separating from a friendship in your life. So where’s the balance?
Although you find yourself oddly wanting to return to a cozy Hallmark Channel moment you should know that reality can be better than fantasy. Here is some beautiful reality for you.. there are people right now who love you. People who want to support you, encourage you, and see great potential in you. And some painful reality is.. There are people who are meant to be temporary in your life. There are people that may not have the best intentions for you. And there are people you have loved and have lost and will never have a friendship with again. I encourage you to not seek your happiness or fulfillment in others anymore, but in yourself. There are people entering your life right now that will become your best friends. There are people you haven’t even met yet who will change your life. How exciting, right? And to those whom have left you/hurt you/hardened your heart.. I urge you to forgive. Don’t grieve, don’t grow bitter, don’t keep blaming yourself. Forgive and live my friend. I challenge you to seek those who seek you. Contact old friends. Write appreciate messages to your current friends. And try to befriend someone new this week. Go get some food and get to know them. They may end up being one of the GREAT ONES.
xo, behtee savvy
Dedicated to my first 2 friends, Paulina and Stephanie and to anyone I have ever called, “friend”.