Have you ever had to do something that was like pulling teeth? Has there ever been something you needed to do, but didn’t want to? I’ve been in that predicament plenty of times. I am talking about dealing with a tough situation. There seems to be 2 types of confrontations and I want to help you with both. Speaking your mind to a person is never fun neither is bumping into someone you did not expect to. If you are actually going to attempt to deal with the problem at hand it can be a long process. The thought of having to face something head on is nerve racking! The best way to survive a situation like that is to have a plan. Being prepared can give you an opportunity for control. Calming your anxieties long enough to go through with it is exactly what you’ll need to accomplish.
A Behtee Savvy How To:
PART 1: “Say it with your chest!” (Having to SPEAK to someone)
Let’s start with talking to someone about a topic you’d rather avoid than confront. It isn’t a sign of weakness to be nervous or even hesitant about speaking to someone. Whether it is someone close to you or not, the outcome of a conversation could be so unpredictable. We wish everyone had the same mindset as us so our words could perfectly land on safe grounds when we propel them out. The truth is; there are a number of different temperaments one could have. You may be dealing with someone quick to be defensive or offended or overly sensitive. You could be approaching an irate tyrant or a person in denial or someone who flat-out doesn’t care what you have to say. What then? Do you conclude that your voice or concerns are no match for their overpowering character? Do you hide your thoughts to avoid awkwardness? No matter the topic at hand it is important that you value yourself enough to speak your mind, in a refined manner that is. So plan ahead!
I’d say to start off by confirming your intentions are authentic. Proceed to write down a few points so you won’t get sidetracked. Take some mental notes for yourself as well. If you know anything about this person you must evaluate what is needed from you for this conversation to succeed. Do you have to speak slow and calm? Do you have to be aware of the location and time where this takes place? Determine if you start off with a nice gesture and good conversation. Do you have to skip all distractions and go straight for the kill? It is important to have a tactic for approaching the situation maturely. You may also want to decide whether you want to tell them you need to talk or bring it to them without notice. Think of some possible reactions and be prepared for your own replies. You may want to share with someone who is not bias in the situation. It is helpful having someone there for you emotionally.
Now that you have your confrontational ducks in a row, you are ready to knock this out of the water. Take a deep breath and remember what you are feeling and why it is important for you to speak about this. Remember that they have feelings and opinions as well. Humanize the person(s) you will be speaking to. No matter the outcome understand that there is never a guarantee people will understand you right away or at all. Be proud of yourself for your bravery and learn from what happened. Give people time. Your words may not have an immediate impact, but words are seeds that may cultivate the type of thinking or change you wished for to begin with. And if all fails, retract your steps. Did you take advice from some blogger? Why would you do that; I hate confrontations!
In my experience…
I have gone through this when pertaining to work, friendships, and personal matters. I have issues with authority and not in the way you may think. Yes, I will admit that as an adolescent I was rebellious and disobeyed all kinds of adult figures. Whether it was lying to my mother straight to her face or walking away from a dean as he yelled my name; I had a bad attitude with most authority figures. As an adult my daddy issues shifted my approach when facing people of authority. If I was to confront a male or strong voiced female I become terrified like a trembling puppy backing into a corner. I can’t narrow down whether it’s the thought of disappointing them or the thought of being reprimanded that shrinks me down to an 8 year old girl. I’ve questioned myself many times on whether or not my feelings or thoughts were worth sharing. I recall wanting to approach someone with a situation. She was a very brash woman who made it very clear that she is not one to question or disrespect. She interrupted people when they would speak and spoke cruelties about those who have ever approached with their opinions. I would jokingly say, “This woman is going to give me a good old fashion butt whooping if I open my mouth!” Nevertheless, I eventually spoke with her and she thanked me for my concern. Later, she told me she had such a respect for me, because I handled it like an adult. As a 21 year old girl, I definitely danced in front of the mirror that night! Woo-hoo I didn’t get punched in the face! I did however, have a handful of times where my confrontations did not go as planned. There were times I felt dumber than ever for even opening my mouth. I’ve experienced defeat even with approaching my friends or family members, but I am still learning from each situation. Last year the word I carried over my life was BOLD. I pushed myself to be braver than I had ever been. I spoke up for myself and decided what was worth my time. I made mistakes, but you’re never going to get everything right my friend!
PART 2: “Here goes nothing!” (Having to SEE someone)
When having to see a person(s) you don’t really care to see, it could be just as horrifying as actually having to speak to them. The first thing you have to do is take out that credit card, because you need to look the part. Your current last season items hanging like rags in your closet are not going to do! Fellas, gel your hair slicked back to perfection and ladies; you must sparkle and put on your finest jewels. Looking the part is only the first step, because being the part is a whole other ballgame. Come prepared with back-up with the perfect entourage. Take plenty of shameless selfies; you have nothing to feel bad about. Enter the room as if you owned everyone in there. No matter what happened, you are the one they are going to want to crawl back to for forgiveness! Keep your head held high, someone is about to be green with envy. Hahahahaha.
Whoa! Who do you think I am; Gossip Girl*? Let’s take it down 5 notches shall we? Do not approach your situation like that at all. It doesn’t matter if you are going to see an ex, or a person who hurt you or did you wrong; have class! Ladies and gentlemen, when facing a difficult reunion consider a few tactics. You could try nurturing the friendship or relationship back to a peaceful form. Connecting before the occasion and showing you have no hard feelings can skip the awkward encounter. Take the person for breakfast or lunch before the big day. That shows you are being the bigger person and avoids handling “The Elephant in the room” in a public setting. You may not want to be the bigger person, but someone has to.
Another tactic is going to the location ready to say hi first. Just say hello and get it over with it. Decide if you will be cordial or completely ignore them. It all depends on the specifics of the situation. If it is family you are having an issues with remember that family is forever. Even in-laws need to be looked at as a permanent part of your life that you must keep peace with. Create a safe approach for your particular situation. When the stakes are very high and fragile you may need to avoid the run-in all together. Out of sight and out of mind may need to be how you will handle this one amigo! Whether it is facing coworkers, family, friends, or your peers try to take the high road. Life is simply too short to hold grudges. Forgiving doesn’t mean you must forget. Some people justify their anger or sadness as a reason not to forgive. Whether the person(s) deserve it or ask for it at all, I strongly urge you to forgive. The freedom is for you, not them. Try to smile, shake hands, or give hugs. Don’t overthink it. When you feed into a situation you are giving it more power over your life than it may need.
Pulling teeth is a harsh gruesome process. There is pain during and even afterwards. It may leave you a bit sore, but it is usually for your benefit. What has been on your mind lately? Do you need to speak up about something? Is there an event coming up that will have heads turning when you walk in the room? Do not waste time on pity things and decide what is worth your time. Value yourself above all. Life can be a huge pain in the butt with a never ending stream of events that we do not ask for. However, there are many opportunities when we are able to decide how to handle one those events. What will you decide?
This week; be the bigger person. Buy coffee for your rude overly sarcastic coworker. Call your friend even though they never call you. Go to that place you’ve been avoiding. Apologize when an apology is due. Love someone even when they don’t deserve it, because you never know how much that is helping them.
Xoxo, Behtee Savvy
*Gossip girl is a television show based on an anonymous blogger who writes gossip about Manhattan’s elite teen figures. She would have definitely given that type of advice.
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