Food For Thought · life · Savvy · Uncategorized

Alter Ego

         I had a very trying month, too chaotic to try and force a unique creative thought. I didn’t set out to create a false persona as a blogger and thus far I have remained transparent with you. As transparent as my writing skills and vocabulary allow me. I have shared about my childhood, my adolescences, my weaknesses, and my victories. I’ve shared a few jokes as well as few motherly tips from my very own experiences. Within my BIO I made it clear that I am still trying to figure out so much. So, you see, I didn’t want to honor my commitment to post often while dishonoring my commitment to be myself. I wish to be a person with integrity so here I am, finally ready to talk with you again. With that being said, I did realize something within this month. Or should I say, “Someone”?

          I started this blog in January, so Behtee Savvy is 3 months old now. Infants at that stage have started to recognize patterns. They cry and an adult comes to their rescue. They eat and they get an unbelievable urge to burp. They are starting to realize their identity a little more; in their case they are fragile and incompetent. For Behtee savvy she was birthed with the anticipation to be extraordinary even though she’s an everyday person. You know, a mother, wife, sister, and friend. She wanted to influence the world around her. She wanted to accomplish this whether it was with her words or with her actions. When she would write she would get an unbelievable urge to share truth, excitement, and a message ultimately releasing love. As she realized her identity as that type of influencer she choose her words wisely. She began to recognize her audience. She developed a certain attitude that brought forth self-evaluation and a positive outlook on life. The reason I am using the word “She” and not “I” is to recognize her new appeal and position in my life. Without noticing it Behtee Savvy slowly became my alter ego.

          For too many years I hid behind smiles and humor. I was often depressed and angry. Life had not been kind to me and I had not been kind to it. Due to particular experiences in my life I developed a low self-esteem and insecurities about everything. Few saw those vulnerable sides of me and that is the way I liked to have it. Publicly I was bubbly and witty. I wanted to help others and be everyone’s go-to-friend. I loved making others feel good by encouraging them. Truthfully, I was dying for direction and was desperately seeking purpose. After finding Faith again plus an extreme lifestyle change I began to actually become the person I always wanted to be. As humans tend to do, I would occasionally fall back into this person I despised. Deep down I always knew everything I experienced in life will help me help others, but how?

The Making of

          She was conceived to encourage ordinary people as myself to not live life with a settling mentality. Just because you think your life is mediocre doesn’t mean it has to be! A 9-5 job, an average car, or the same old weekly routine can make us feel like; “this is it”. Wrong! We can do something great with every day we are given. We can impact people in our lives whether or not we have a huge organization behind us. Why not? Through a text or friendly visit we can change someone’s week. We can aspire to be great parents that are molding the next generation. We can use social media for good instead of rotting people’s minds! We can go above and beyond for strangers at the store or at work just because we want to. That is the type of mind set I wanted her to bring out of me and other people.

The Delivery

          In comes Behtee Savvy. As I applied this mentality for years I had a curiosity for a larger platform. Although I was a bit scared I pushed to bring this blog into the world. I began to talk about things we concern ourselves with while also having a little fun with things I personally love. This is only the beginning. There are so many topics I want to discuss with you. I want you to understand you have purpose in your life. You may never end up in newspapers or in textbooks, but you have an opportunity to be someone great in your community, within your group of friends, or in your family. She may not be fully grown, but as she grows I want us to grow as well.

          It’s funny, as I faced trial after trial this month I would stop and think to myself; “What would Behtee Savvy say?” She’d tell me to turn my day around and be positive. She would tell me this is only temporary and to stay strong. She would want me to laugh. We’ve seen Prince, Slim Shady, and Sasha Fierce; the alter egos of others who recognized a certain side to them that they wanted to share with the world. A side to them they wanted others to remember. When I pass I want others to know that I was not a perfect person, but I tried to use my imperfections to help others. I want others to know how much I loved them. Yes, you!

          My grandmother would tell me a certain joke whenever she saw me on the phone. She would tell me I should be a telephone operator, because I was so great at talking to people. She was using her Mexican sarcasm of course to highlight the fact that I was always on my phone and ignoring everyone! Nevertheless, that stayed with me. A few years ago I remember having a discussion with my husband. I was very discouraged and while crying I told him that I felt like I wasn’t good at anything. I was seeking a career with validation. You know something recognizable in society. I liked school, but I wasn’t a book worm. I liked sports, but I wasn’t particularly good at any of them. What was I good at? That day my husband consoled me and life went on. I want you to know something. I end up accepting what I was good at; I freaking talk a lot! I like being social and going to social events. I like writing spoken word poems and writing skits. I’m not shy. I love being around people and opening my home to others. Maybe I didn’t have the talents I thought I should have, but I did have something; as do you! Yes, I may have used 5 years to do things for free, yet I can say I earned priceless lessons. I did not receive any awards, but I know my life was impacted as well as the lives of others. The point is to accept who you are and use what you have to make something great of yourself!

          Don’t compare yourself to other’s success. There is no one in this world like you. While you’re thinking of a career or your next big step, do not pause. You may never have it all together or reach your ideal lifestyle. In the meantime dig up your own alter ego and show the world what you’re made of! Don’t waste your talents just because they don’t carry a big title or bring forth a large check!

This week write a list of all your good attributes. Figure out what you are good at and use it. If you are a good cook then have a family over for dinner. If you are good at fixing cars go help someone without charging. If you love to paint or write poems then create something as a gift for someone who’s having a hard month. Make yourself proud! Oh, and thank you for being you!

Xoxo, Behtee Savvy; the best part of me.

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